Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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