i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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