this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he shaved USA in his pubs
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
