so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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