Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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