when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
