I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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