Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
