Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
