I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
