Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
