im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Oh god it's open bar.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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