What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
