And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
