The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
