This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
