so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i've created a new STD.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
