A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
