i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
