The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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