I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
