Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
