Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Randomize
