man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
