Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
