Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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