Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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