first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I want her autograph on my taint
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
