considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
