if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
