Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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