Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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