Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
