i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Randomize
