Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
