jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
