Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
