On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
