You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
BRING THE BAGELS
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
