they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
