I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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