just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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