happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
