while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
