I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
