I hope mine doesn't look like that
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
