Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
