i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize