He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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