I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
