my phone needs a breathalizer
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
