At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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