The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
