oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
