i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
