okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
