i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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