I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I need a burrito and a hug.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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