So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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