Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
