He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
