dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
