the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
