Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
