a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
