Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
