Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
