SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
