a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
