no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
