Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
