Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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