im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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