New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
