2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
